Cars and Coffee?

It was finally not freezing today! I think the temperature actually crept up to about 50.


SO - what would be the best thing to do on a nice winter afternoon? How about drive fast, expensive cars around the highway and then stop and get a coffee with Bailey's for lunch/dinner? Sound nice? It was. Too nice, actually. I miss the summer, I miss warmth, I miss excitement.

I think I'm finally totally detoxing . . . I'm nauseous and I have a headache. . . not to mention quite the intense dose of anxiety. . . I know I've just gotta stick it out . . . It's only a month until I'll reach almost all of my goals, so I can at least do that. I bet by then, I'll be feeling pretty phenomenal - at least if what everyone else says is true. Honestly, I already do have tons more energy, but I just feel kinda sick, too.

I'm at a crossroads right now. Which way should I go? What direction should I turn? My instincts are strong, but I've come to see they may, in many cases, be wrong. Instead of being logical, innate knowledge, sometimes they represent how the environment in which I live has shaped me. Experiences do not always reflect what is true. Sometimes they reflect a very small pocket of life where things are not as they are in other more prominent pockets. Taking risks is not necessary, but it may be true that the best things in peoples' lives come from their letting go of their inhibitions and taking the risk. It's not even that I know how it feels to fail all that well - not to sound conceited, but, so far in life, I haven't failed all that much. That's not because I'm above failure, it's simply because I have not taken that many risks. When I have failed, when I have felt inadequate, I've never felt worse, and so I avoid it at all costs.

Whatever, I'm probably just over-analyzing the situation. It's probably one of those situations like in high school when you think that nothing will ever matter as much as what you are going through at that very moment and then when you look back at it a few years later, you realize it wasn't really that big of a deal in the long-run.

Whatever. I should just go to sleep.