SPRING FINALLY!!!

Like the title says, spring is finally here! I feel much happier and much healthier just being able to go outside and walk around without freezing to death. There's something about a natural environment towards which I feel strongly drawn. I feel like I'm supposed to be there and that it's where I thrive the most. Perhaps this feeling is one of the reasons I decided not to go back to New York City for law school. I miss the city immensely, but I just can't imagine living there for more than a few months at a time. Maybe at some point in my life, but not right now.

The beginning of spring is a perfect time to start, or strengthen, a detoxing regime. I have been ho-humming around starting one for the past few weeks, but I can't seem to find time for myself. It's SO stupid that I can't - every single day I say, "Tomorrow I will clean out my room, " or "Tomorrow I'll go to the store and get what I need to nourish my body," but I never do it. Something else always comes up that causes me to put my needs second. Then, I wonder why I'm so stressed all the time and I so often feel taken advantage of. It's not really that everyone is taking complete advantage of me, but also that I am, in a way, taking advantage of myself. I had a major wakeup call this afternoon, though, and I can tell you, this neglecting my own needs will not happen again. I'm not for being a selfish bitch - it's not like I can't balance what I want with what the people who I care about want, but it's that I refuse to sacrifice that 50% of what I want, even if I kinda don't mind it because I care about the other person so much. I can't have relationships that constantly ask me to give up taking care of myself and meeting even the most basic of my own needs, like having a clean, organized living space.

Beyond that, because I have been neglecting myself, I use the time I should be doing my work to do the other things I don't have time to do and need to do, like laundry or cleaning. I basically get myself way behind, and then I STILL don't do what I need to do to catch myself up because I'm too busy, once again, neglecting myself to make sure others are comfortable and happy. Done.

And, not to anyone's surprise (especially not mine), my diet reflects my state of mind. When I'm stressed and neglected, my diet is reflective of it - I eat crappy, easy to make food because I'm too exhausted mentally to prepare things that are good for me. If I ever want to reach any of my goals, I can't continue like this.

Something has to change.

And I hope it can be an easier change rather than me having to make difficult, painful, or unwanted ones.